Our practice specializes in the treatment of process and behavioral addictions and other issues.
Our treatment services seek to restore balance, tranquility and equanimity after the trauma of betrayal.
We focus on helping clients regain control and experience spiritual and emotional healing.
Treatment enables partners to make thoughtful decisions about their life moving forward.
We seek to restore emotional health in individuals and families impacted by the trauma of betrayal and addictions.
Since 1993, Michele Saffier has regularly worked with couples and families on a wide range of issues.
Partners often ask “do couples really recover from sex addiction?” and “why don’t I see any of these ‘healed couples’ in partner of sex addicts meetings?
Is there hope for a life outside of the walls of a 12 step meeting or therapists office? Is there a point at which this addiction is no longer the organizing principal of ones’ life? Is there a time that check-ins, disclosures, slips and mistrust will be a distant and painful memory of a dark part of ones’ life? Is there a time when t.v., movies, a walk in the park, or a bite out to eat will not involve avoiding “triggers”?
In the first therapy session, the most frequently asked question is “How long is the recovery process?”.
Am I my disease?
Is my addict the core of who I really am?
Was there a time my life that addict thinking and behavior was not in the “drivers seat”?
Persons in recovery often wrestle with these questions. When one is active in the disease of addiction, whether alcohol, heroin, gambling, fantasy, marijuana, food, sex or pornography it is hard to imagine a life without it. As the next moment, day, month, year goes by and the Addiction -with it’s constant demand for time and focus- persists, more of the authentic self recedes. Memories of doing laundry “straight” become fuzzy. Lived experiences of taking a bike ride or listening to a favorite band are lost. A compliment by a fourth grade teacher, a soccer trophy well earned, the loss of a treasured friendship are forgotten and disappear from the landscape of ones’ early life. Even recollections of enjoyable early acting out experiences are gone. The present is lived in a tornado with responsibilities, joys, birthdays, deaths, promotions, acting out all swirling around in a gray haze. Friends drop off the radar, deadlines are missed, appointments are forgotten.
Broken promises Shattered dreams A life is disrepair.
Grasping at straws grasping for air
searching for answers searching for peace
What path to take
The familiar rearranged
Connections are fleeting not filling the empty spaces between
Hopelessness IsolationMoments of normal
The dark places are endless
Self doubt self reproach self reflectself respect
Why me why not me why anyoneso much suffering
How to repair the despair
No one knows No one really knows We pretend to know the way
The way home is no more
Home is a memory a sweet and distant memory where life was possible and dreams came true
In my dreams and now no dreams only
Dreaming streaming tears from nowhere appear
A thought a memory a hope tears
Tears searing through my heart
Why me why not me what did I know what didn’t I know what didn’t I want to know what do I now know
Its unknowable it just is its just life its just menits just lust its just trust its just us
of the winter of the dark of the alone of one of me of change
of no change of love of no love of menof no man
of my body for my soul for my indomitable spirit
A poem written by a partner of a sex addict who continues to seek understanding and make sense of the acting out. The author is moved that others find inspiration and comfort in the poems and is interested in comments, which aid in the authors’ healing. Comments may be sent to firstname.lastname@example.org and will be forwarded to the author.
With gratitude to the author and respect for those many beautiful and pained souls who seek comfort and healing,
They Walk the earth wrecking the ones they love the most
Careless in their actions, thoughtless in their deeds
They seem to be unscathed, unlike the ones they love the most
Going about their day professing regret
Being patient, as the confessor praying for absolution
They walk the earth reflecting on their past transgressions
As if talking will somehow change the past
They seem to find new ways to comfort their torn innards
Unlike the ones they love the most who wander the earth searching for what once was.
They move forward connecting with new ones looking over their shoulder for the next burst of rage from the ones they love the most
They’re told to be patient because the rage is deserved because they betrayed and they violated and they stole
They’re told to pray and share and repent and track their past because hurt people hurt people
And the ones they love the most wander the earth searching for what once was searching under rocks and wedding pictures and hints of what once was
They seek solace among others who ravaged the hearts of the of the ones they love the most
And each day is a new day like the other day that is a day like no other because the earth has quaked and shook and everything changed
And everything that was familiar and home and safe is a reminder that nothing is familiar and home and safe
And what is left to do but pray and share and repent and believe and hope?
And pray for the ones they love the most.
This powerful poem was written by a partner in emotional recovery from infidelity, betrayal and devastation of family as a result of the spouses sexual acting out. We hope these words will touch you as deeply as they have those living in, surviving and moving through the life-shattering pain. I am grateful to the author for allowing this poem to be shared.
May you find peace on your journey,